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The Language of Love

copyright 2007, La Tigresa 

He said, "You're my favorite avocado in the garden."

She said, "Avocado?! I thought I was your favorite rose!"

He said, "No, I don't like roses. I like avocados; they're creamy and gooey; tasty and filling and full of protein."

She said, "But an avocado is just a vegetable!"

He said, "Actually, it's a fruit."

She said, "Whatever. I want to be your favorite rose! Everybody loves roses."

He said, "Not me. They have thorns. Sharp thorns. Ouch!"

She said, "But...."

He said, "Bye. Gotta go."

She called back later and said, "Hi there, this is Rosie Guacamole."

He said, "Hi babe, what's up?"

She said, "I made you some luscious guacamole with rose petals sprinkled over the top."

He said, "Yuck, I told you I don't like roses."

She said, "But everybody else...."

He said, "I'm allergic to roses, okay?!"

She said, "Bye. Gotta go."

He called back later and said, "Hey babe, I have a present for you."

She said, "Oh goody! Did you bring me a cucumber?"

He said, "No, I brought you some limes to squeeze into your guacamole."

She said, "But I don't want limes. I want a big, crisp cucumber to dip into my gooey guacamole."

He said, "But..."

She said, "I want a cool cucumber to smear its juices on my face. Everybody knows cucumber lotion is the best facial."

He said, "But I brought you limes..."

She said, "I want a fat cucumber to chop up into little pieces and put in my blender and grind into a pulp so I can make gazpacho."

He said, "I just lost my appetite."

She said, "So! You only think of me as a salad, do you?"

He said, "No, no, no. You mean much more than salad to me. I have always admired your lasagna, in fact."

She said, "Thank you. I do make a mean lasagna."

He said, "Yes, one of the best I've ever eaten. One day you'll be famous for your lasagna."

She said, "Just like you're famous for your hot dogs. You're world famous for your hot dogs!"

He said, "Well, I guess so. I know my hot dogs are pretty well-known in New York."

She said, "Everyone in New York loves your hot dogs."

He said, "Yes, I have to admit, that's true."

She said, "Why don't you open a branch on the west coast?"

He said, "Well, I'd like to, but I don't really know if people in LA will go for a New York style hot dog."

She said, "Of course they will! Everyone in LA is from New York. Or at least their parents were. Okay, their grandparents, anyway..."

He said, "I dunno. In Hollywood they eat burritos instead of hot dogs."

She said, "I'm from California and I eat your hot dogs." 

He said, "That's true. And you've got the cutest buns."

She said, "That's what all the hot dog vendors tell me."

He said, "I bet they do."

She said, "But you're my favorite."

He said, "You know, you're not my only customer."

She said, "That's okay. I can't eat hot dogs every day. It would upset my stomach. Once a week's about all I can take. Twice would probably be too much for my tummy. In fact, I'm thinking of becoming a vegetarian."

He said, "Really? What would you eat?"

She said, "Avocados. They're so creamy, and filling. And they have protein."

He said, "But..."

She said, "Yum."